I have been through my fair share of relationships, which is something I am not very proud of. However they have taught me a couple of things about relationships that I didn’t know prior or did but had not put into play. As with anything in life, relationships are full of a lot of guessing games and are definitely a long process of learning, as every relationship is different.
When I hear ‘healthy relationship’ a list comes to mind. Which I will share along with my reasons.
* Communication is key to any relationship, whether it’s between you and your significant other, parent, friend or boss. Being able to discuss what’s wrong or just what makes you happy will make the biggest difference in the long run. To build or maintain a strong healthy relationship both parties need to be able to vocalize what is going on or what they have an issue with. It is important to be able to discuss a problem civilly without saying something to purposefully hurt your partner or getting physical.
* What is any sort of relationship whether it is romantic, platonic or family without trust? Now I don’t mean you have to give it to them all at once, trust should be earned, however a relationship would not last without being able to trust the actions and words of the other person. Blind trust is not healthy, but trust is, without trust you can spend hours analyzing every word and action of the other person trying to disect what their motives are.
Balance of Give and Take
*Whether we are talking attention, money, blame or any resources it is healthy for both parties to take some of weight. Don’t expect your partner to pay for everything, or expect to pay for everything yourself. There’s nothing wrong with both or either parties splitting the cost of things or taking turns. We all crave the affection and attention of our partner but it’s a two way street, both need to relieve and give the attention. Both parties also need to be able to give credit and blame where it’s due not just push it on one party. For anything it needs a balance, and I don’t mean it needs to be equal in all aspects but for both parties to make an effort into the relationship not leave it all up to the other.
Ability to admit you need your partner
* This I’ll admit I struggle with, the ability to admit I need my partner, however it is important. Your partner should enhance your life and support you not just sit there on the sidelines. Your partner is your equal, and can be one of your best supporters. If you need a hug or just to talk to them there’s nothing wrong with expressing that need. Beyond that though when I say that it’s important that you have the ability to admit you need your partner I mean that you can admit they do make your life better, that things would be different. I don’t just mean that you should be able to express when you need your partner for something, but also that just their presence in your life makes a positive impact on your life.
* Being able to see a future with your partner and not just a here and now is important, as is striving towards having that future.
*Being committed to your relationship, to your partner. Willing to work on your relationship, to put an effort into it. The ability to not put it off to the sidelines so you can focus on everything else but keeping a balance. Along with being loyal, faithful to your partner.
*We will never always see eye to eye with our partner and it’s important to find a happy medium between the two. Or being able to come to an understanding of where your partner is coming from and vice versa., not everything is black and white being able to see the grey (or colourful) and find a happy place there.
Balance of time spent with and without your partner
* Just like it is important to spend time together it is also just as important to have time apart. Whether the time is spent alone or with friends space from the other person is good and healthy.
* I’m not saying that you should forgive your partner for cheating (especially not repeatedly) or anything else that crosses your personal boundaries. What I am saying letting go of the little things when appropriate (like after an apology) and not holding it over your partners head.
* This goes with communication but it’s a whole different topic. As with any relationship whether it’s romantic, platonic, family or work related you need to use put your active listening skills to work. By active listening skills I mean not putting your attention anywhere else but on the other person. Paying attention to their words, their tone, facial expressions and body language.
Don’t just be partners be best friends
* In a relationship with all these previous points it’s hard to not become best friends but this is also an important one. The want to share your joys and your downs with the person. The wanting to include them in the things you do and wanting to spend lots of time together.
It is healthy to disagree
You don’t have to agree everything, and not always having the same point of view is good, and discussing both sides. However it is not healthy to argue in the sense of yelling, belittling or anything possibly hurtful.
* Just like anything good in life, a relationship takes a lot of hard work. It takes a lot of dedication, time, and is a non stop process. Whether it’s been one month or sixty years the relationship still needs to be fed. In the end though it can be very worthwhile.
Stay Proud. Stay Loud. Stay Loving Lovies.
Marie Olsson xx