Howie discusses self esteem

Hey blog readers, it’s Howie Defranco and today we will be talking about self esteem and this is going to mostly be a personal story. Self esteem is how you see your own personal worth, and how you judge yourself. Often people confuse it with confidence as that is believing in yourself and I suppose if you have confidence you should have a good self esteem. As there is a correlation between believing in yourself and having a good view of yourself. In this day and age though self esteem just seems to be a fleeting thought though when you hear stories of people hating themselves, hurting themselves, or just not trying because they think there’s no point.
Which brings us to the personal story, about my own level of self esteem and how it came to be. I truly think sometimes that I do not have a great amount of worth in my life, as a kid I was raised to believe I could do anything, or be anything. Every time I try though I mean yes obstacles come up in life, but when it feels like life is taking a baseball bat to your head for trying you lose faith in that. It all starts with my mom who is a yo yo of emotions, as in one minute she’s the best mom in the world, the next she’s saying she wishes you were never born. Sometimes this is said in the heat of an argument and sometimes it is just said, growing up with that I never could tell if I was doing the right thing.
All I’ve ever wanted to do as far back as I can remember is be a good person, and I love my mom but stuff like that is why I question things in my head so much. I mean can you blame me there was that, and then in elementary school I was the smartest kid in the class but my teacher always said I acted like a 40 year old in a 10 year olds body. A part of that I like to think meant I had a good head on my shoulders, truthfully though he meant that I didn’t fit in. I was an outcast in elementary school except for like two close friends and I don’t even mean the guys I’m friends with today. We weren’t close back then and I spent quite a few lunches aimlessly walking around the school.
Then you know if you read my blogs I had a rough time emotionally in high school, after high school and recently. Even now I question my worth everyday at my job and in my social life. At work they’ve been talking about promoting me for two years and I feel like it’s an eternity, every time they say it’s gonna be you Howie and then they’re like oh sorry. In my social life I just I can’t help my own brain, it always thinks someone is mad or upset and I obsess over it and over apologize and I don’t know I just can’t accept when my friends say I’m the best guy they know.
Self esteem is one of the most important things for you to have in this life. It can drive you to be better and believe in yourself so if you have it hold on to it and don’t let anyone destroy it.

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