Fear of relationships Pt.2

It’s been 3 years since then, I thought that by now I would have healed and I would be able to get in a relationship no problem. Unfortunately that isn’t the case. Today, I am 25, single, living on my own and still no relationship.

When I came back to Vancouver, my ex was the last one to know. My best friend and I would take pictures together, hang out and post it on social media but without the location. For a few weeks he didn’t catch on I was back. He asked me a couple times if they were old picture or if I was back and I would just ignore his messages. Eventually, I figured me and my ex needed to talk so I told him I’ve been back for weeks and he got really mad at me. I didn’t feel bad about it and I felt like I didn’t owe him anything. I didn’t have to tell him anything but I did it because I wanted to move on with my life by talking to him face to face.

When my best friend and I went to go talk to him, it made me realize that I really did make the right decision by leaving him. He was still acting like a little boy and being selfish. He didn’t see the mistakes he made and the hurtful things he has said. He believed that I was at fault. I knew at that moment I didn’t need him in my life.

A year past when I saw him next. We are working on being friends and I get to see my Nephew more often. Him giving me my space was the best thing he could do. I had to think about where I was going in my life and who was I going to be as a person- was I going to hold grudges for the rest of my life or was I going to live my life in happiness? I admit, I feel better now that I’m not holding a grudges. It doesn’t mean though that I have forgotten or forgiven what happened, it just means that I’m not going to hate him for the rest of my life.

Hating on my Ex-Fiancé and holding on to my other Ex was killing me inside. I was holding on to things that are never going to come back or be like it used to be. I had to learn to let go of someone I loved and someone I resented. I had to learn that everything happens for a reason and not everything will go my way. What happened in my past has made me stronger and wiser.

Honestly, I’m not sure how I will react if I ever see ex again. I know there’s still a part of me that breaks when I hear his name, when I hear about his family. I still wonder if he thinks of me, wonders what I’m doing with my life or even if I’m happy.

I still wonder “what if”. I still carry a picture of him with me. Sometimes I think I torture myself by doing so. I do wish him happiness. I wish him the best of luck and I hope his wife gives him everything he needs and wants. I hope he lives in a beautiful house and has a job he loves. However at the end of day, I miss him.

Another reason why I fear relationships… Many men and women have sexually abused me. All these people would blame me and makes me feel so tiny, like I was nothing! They would say that I’m fat, ugly and that I pretty much deserved it. How does someone trust anyone if everyone they trusted betrayed them? I cannot say that I trust people because I don’t entirely. However, one day i hope that i will be able to do so.

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Ivybelle: Sexual Harassment Facts

“Unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that detrimentally affects the work environment or leads to adverse job related consequences for the victims of the harassment. By requiring an employee, male or female, to contend with unwelcome sexual actions or explicit sexual demands, sexual harassment in the workplace attacks the dignity and self respect of the victim both as an employee and as a human being.” – The Canadian legal definition of Sexual Harassment
Some examples of sexual harassment are:

  • Asking for sex in exchange for a benefit or a favour
  • Repeatedly asking for dates, and not taking “no” for an answer
  • Demanding hugs
  • Making unnecessary physical contact, including unwanted touching
  • Using rude or insulting language or making comments toward women
    (or men, depending on the circumstances)
  • Calling people sex-specific derogatory names
  • Making sex-related comments about a person’s physical characteristics
    or actions
  • Saying or doing something because you think a person does not conform
    to sex-role stereotypes
  • Posting or sharing pornography, sexual pictures or cartoons, sexually
    explicit graffiti, or other sexual images (including online)
  • Making sexual jokes
  • Bragging about sexual prowess.

 

Employers that do not take steps to prevent sexual harassment can face major costs in decreased productivity, low morale, increased absenteeism and health care costs, and potential legal expenses. Under the Ontario Human Rights Code, sexual harassment is “engaging in a course of vexatious comment or conduct that is known or ought to be known to be unwelcome.” In some cases, one incident could be serious enough to be sexual harassment. Both women and men may experience sexual harassment in employment, but women tend to be more vulnerable to it because they often hold lower paying, lower-authority and lower-status jobs compared to men. At the same time, even women in positions of authority may experience sexual harassment.

-http://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/sexual-harassment-employment-fact-sheet

 

What to do when being sexually harassed? 

Informal Options:

Ask them politely but firmly to stop and let them know that it’s making you uncomfortable/that what they say isn’t right.

  1. Make a report to within your firm about this person’s behaviour.
  2. Contact Equity Ombudsperson to get help and see what your options are.
  3. Consider mediation.Formal Options:
  1. Make a formal complaint to the Law Society.
  2. Make a human rights complaint and/or a civil action.

As a boss it is important to make sure that the work environment is harassment-free and making sure that your employees feel safe. For more information on the steps and laws on Sexual Harassment please feel free to check at the bottom of the page for the link.

Facts:

  • The last reported sexual harassment statistics in Canada showed that young women are the most likely to be sexually harassed with 10% of women 18 to 24 years of age having experienced sexual harassment in the workplace within the previous 12 months.
  • Single women are more likely to be sexually harassed than married women. The statistics show that single women between the ages of 25 to 45 experienced sexual harassment at the same rate as young women aged 18 to 24 years.
  • Of the reported cases of workplace sexual harassment 55% were perpetrated by co-workers. The percentage of sexual harassment cases involving a supervisor or manager was 39%. Sexual harassment by a client or customer was 13%.
  • 7% of male workers in the US reported being sexually harassed at work. (2008 telephone poll by Louis Harris and Associates)
  • 94% of workers who are treated uncivilly say they have attempted to get even with their tormentors. (Christine Pearson and Christine Porath)

-Ivybelle- Stay strong. Stay Beautiful. Stay you.

Sources:

Facts:

7 Statistics on Workplace Harassment

http://www.canadianlabourrelations.com/sexual-harassment-in-the-workplace.html

Laws in BC about sexual harassment:

http://www.worksafebc.com/contact_us/bid_opportunities/Assets/PDF/harassment_policy.pdf

Quote:

http://www.canadianlabourrelations.com/definition-of-sexual-harassment.html