“We accept the love we think we deserve” – Stephen Chbosky

Ivybelle: We accept the love we think we deserve is one of my favourite quotes of all time! To me it’s a quote that reminds me that I deserve the best and not what I think I deserve. I haven’t really been with a lot of people however, all of them ended badly. I should be able to be with someone who makes me happy, who can open a door for me, be nice and respectful.

Madison: what I think this quote means to me is, when it comes down to falling in love if we think we deserve negativity we will look for a negative relationship. An example of this is when say you found someone you really care about and everything is going well, you will start doubting yourself and your relationship, and pulling way because you don’t believe you deserve to be happy. This can be very upsetting because this can lead to you putting yourself in a dangerous situation. On the brighter side there is always a positive side and if you believe you deserve the best, you will get the best. The meaning of this quote I feel is a lot about self-worth, and having confidence in yourself. I was always told if I did not believe I worth anything then how could anyone one else. If you think about how much you are really worth, how high would that be? Would you keep yourself on a pedestal or would you be down in the showdowns? I believe it is all about how you present yourself, I’m not the most attractive women in the world, but I still believe I’m beautiful which my fiancé find the most beautiful. So no matter what you believe you deserve, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and you are so much more then you are worth.

Marie: I’ve read plenty of things on why we have this idea of what type of love we deserve, and I’ve read many reasons. For instance no one sees a person in the same way as others do, and no one can see themselves for what others see them as. We know every dark secret, every mistake we’ve made, and know all of our own baggage; which affects how we see ourselves and sometimes for the worse. We also know how we’ve been treated whether in past relationships, by family, friends or others in general and all of that impacts how we see ourselves and how we think we deserve. Sometimes it goes beyond that and to the relationships we see our loved ones go through. However one thing that is definitely true is that we deserve better than we think when it comes to love.

Howie: The quote happens to be very true about some people,especially the ones who have been ‘scorned’ and hurt in th past.  For we put up walls and barriers made of the hurtful things and words used against us. The words there to make us feel like we don’t deserve the love we are given by anyone. Even people that truly love because we have been conditioned to think we do not deserve it, that it is too good for us. We do not even believe it sometimes we are shown genuine affection. Too afraid risk the belief, the faith, and the trust that we can be loved for who we are. The sad thing is that often we are proven right in that aspect for there are so many people that will hurt a person in their lives.

Even the people you do not let in, will hurt you sometimes or trigger those walls. We have to find a way to love ourselves and accept that we will get hurt. If we don’t those walls could trap us, making us bitter and cold. Afraid that we don’t deserve love and we’ll just be hurt again.

Howie: The Measure of a Person

Hi everyone it’s Howie Defranco and today were going to talk about something very not important to me but important to my history, and a few things the world forgets sometimes.  First thing I’m going to say is that the world is going to think and say whatever it wants to about you, sadly people do not all think the same about most issues.  So they’re going to judge you a lot of people will judge you on everything about you, your past, your body, your skin, your intelligence, everything about you the world and a lot of its people think they have a right to judge.  They don’t see what the true measure of a person really is often they look at your mistake, or something they think is and that’s it their mind is made up from that moment.  We live in a world wrought with this kind of mentality which has improved do not mistake that, but people still judge.  Some think it is fun, they gossip and laugh, some no it’s cruel and use it to hurt and some just make a joke not realizing what they said.

So now I’m going to tell you a bit of a story, so grab some popcorn and get a drink.  I am the son of a guy who I could never call a man, in fact I call him sperm donor.  I’ve never met him that I can remember and in fact he left my mother two weeks before I was born.  He met me though, my mom called him and said your son was born you should at least come meet him, he basically showed up and said, ok I met him anything else.  I wasn’t there so I don’t know the exact wording and I was 18 when my mother finally told me that part that he had met me.  So her words were foggy to me as well.  I’m telling you this because I judge myself for being his son a lot, my mother reminds me a lot how I look like him or even act like him in the moments when my mood is not at it’s best.  I hate my father for leaving I do not because I wish he’d stayed even slightly but because I’m afraid I might turn into him someday.  I’ve worked everyday of my life to disprove that and yet I’m still judged by people even people I’m closest too.

When I say I’ve worked I mean I’m there as much as I can be for everyone in my life, I worked hard in school up until I lost my drive for it and everyday I put 100% into my job.  These things people judge me for, in high school, I never missed an assignment up until grade 12 and had straight A’s but people called me lazy because they never saw me doing any work, for that matter one person called me out as a cheat and that had to be disproved, which it was.  I’ve probably in the last few years spent more money and time with my friends than I ever thought I would but I’ve had friends who say it’s not enough, they told me I’m not there for them because of the one time I would be unable to go see them or join them or help them.  One of them I gave 300$ to so he could go see his girlfriend in the states a week later I chose not to join him in a dangerous situation he told me it was fine, not to go to and said I do not do enough for him because of it.  I was a supervisor for all of 4 months before I left my old job and people I had worked with for years complained to other management for how I spoke to them after I was promoted.  Apparently saying, “hey I have this person to cover you can you please go do your cleaning duty?” is rude and saying thank you after they were done didn’t help.  People judge a person daily from something as simple as thinking they will respond to something in a certain way, or they can have pre-conceived assumptions about a person or any number of things.

If you want to measure yourself, on how good or strong of a person you are you have to ignore other people’s and even your own judgments and it is hard, because there’s 7 billion other people in this world.  We still need friends, family, someone to love, to hold, to kiss, to miss, and because of this we do worry about what other people think. We let it get to us and dig it’s way into our brains.  Then we go out into the world with our masks on pretending everything is alright.  Be who you want to be not what people expect you to be and you might find that you still find all of what you want, it’s not a guarantee but why not risk it all to get it all.  The measure of a person is who they chose to be and they’re actions to be that person not what everyone thinks.

-Howie

Howie Defranco, Memories and Opening Scars 

Hey blog readers it’s Howie Defranco here and I want to talk about scars and memories a bit, we all have both those things. Let me state that again we all have memories and scars, which in a lot of ways are the most painful things there are. People say they fade or can be forgotten but they’re still there and they have no problem causing you pain when they are brought back up. Scars reopened are worse then most wounds. It’s sad that our own minds, can bring up such painful things, things we want to leave in the past and when we forget we tell ourselves we’re better but something, a song, a book, a name, a place, a day can just bring it all back on you. Partly because when remembering some things you don’t just remember them, you relive them like they were yesterday and scars associated with said memory are opened.  
    Oddly enough my trigger was a friend, I hadn’t seen since high school she’s been having a rough time lately and asked if she could talk to me about them saying she just remembered me as an understanding person and that I wouldn’t judge her. This was it the beginning of October when I was doing really well with everything I felt good about my life and myself, I thought I had moved on from things I’ve talked about before. During our conversation she started asking me things though about people I wanted to leave in my past, which I answered. She talked a lot about 2 people in particular I did not want to hear about quite a bit, who have been in my blogs before. I thought I was okay but I started to remember things, first the good, the memories of my happy moments with those people in my past. Those good memories slowly started to sting though to think about, which only lead to me remembering the bad.  
I cried that night after she went home, and it’s because I wasn’t just remembering it all I was reliving it all. The heartache, the betrayal, the loneliness, and I still am right now. These open scars have giving me many close to sleepless nights the last month, and I’m one of those people when I can’t sleep I roll around a million times and I don’t turn on my electronics. For all I want to do is sleep and it escapes me and the next day I’m tired and annoyed. Then this past week I broke down, I can’t help remembering it’s the last time I spoke to the first person I thought I was in love with, though it was unrequited I once considered it my greatest failure, more recently my greatest mistake. As well an event is coming up this next weekend I look forward to every year and I’m honestly scared I will see if not one every one of the people I want to leave in my past, knowing my luck I will and on the days I’m going to be alone at the event.
I haven’t really told anyone I let this all hit me so hard because I’m ashamed that memories are what the problem is. I know the people in my life aren’t the ones who made these memories and that the person those people hurt is a much better person and even back then I was not what they thought of me, I was not a loser, a bad friend, a weak person. I can’t help feeling scared though, scared that these people I love and care about in my life right now will see what the ones who hurt me did. That I’m not worth they’re time and their compassion and their respect.  
The mind betrays you to your memories for they can be cruel friends. Yes memories are our friends, in years late in life, moments when we’re alone, when we want to remember our best moments memories are our greatest friends. When they are corrupted by the scars we have received though they feel like our greatest enemies, our demons. Just because something can be forgotten does not mean it cannot be remembered again. It just takes a trigger to remind you of something painful and doesn’t help if you still are afraid of the past.

Ivy belle: Fear of relationships Pt.1

Fear of relationships

 

“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” – Mandy Hale

Have you ever stopped yourself from being in a relationship because you’re too scared to get hurt or be in one? I have.

The last time I was in a relationship was when I was 19 and left him when I was 22. I was engaged to this guy and we lived together even though he put me through a lot. From cheating, to lying & even using me, I stayed with him because I thought that I was just being a bad girlfriend and I was overreacting. When you’re in a relationship with someone who blames you for everything and tells you it’s your fault- you start to believe it. That relationship was my first serious relationship and I think that’s why I kept forgiving him because I also thought that this is the only relationship I will ever have and that no one else will love me but him.

I remember being vulnerable, angry, anxiety, hurt and I felt betrayed 90% of our relationship. He would be with another woman but lie to me, and even if he wasn’t I got so paranoid that I couldn’t sleep at night until he would show up. When I would ask him where he’s been, he would get very defensive. I didn’t know at the time that lies could really destroy a person. I took him back at least 8 times but every time I told myself “ this time is it! Me and him are over for good.” However, I would always take him back even when I knew it was bad news. I stayed with him until I literally hated him. I couldn’t stand having him around anymore. I didn’t want to be intimate, I wanted him to go sleep over at his friends, I would get upset for no reason and I was angry all the time.

Instead of leaving him and saving myself the pain I stayed with him to the point that I hated him more than my dad. Later on, when we broke off the engagement and everything I told myself I wouldn’t get into another relationship but then my ex’s sister introduced me to someone else. He was a nice guy and with time I fell hard for him. He would always try to surprise me but little did I know, my ex knew him too and he didn’t like him- apparently he’s a “goof” whatever that means. My ex did everything in his power to make sure that we broke up. One say my ex called me and told me I had to chose to break up with my boyfriend or having no where to live. I remember being hurt, torn and I told him that I wasn’t going to break up with my boyfriend for him.

One night my ex called me really angry and told me we needed to talk face to face. When I showed up we got into a heated argument about my boyfriend and he kept asking me if I broke up with my boyfriend, I told him no. At this point it was 2 am and I was ready to walk out the door until he wouldn’t let me leave because it was late. Eventually I gave in and he told me we would watch a movie together until we fell asleep. At that moment I knew all this was wrong and I just wanted to sit in a corner and cry. When we were watching a moving my ex put his hands on me and I kept telling him no to take his hands off me. I thought he would of understood but next thing I know I was pinned to his bed and he forced me to have sex with him. I felt disgusted even though I kept telling him that this is a bad idea that we shouldn’t do this. It was too late. The next morning he left for work and I hurried to get all my stuff together to leave but his roommate told me that I shouldn’t of slept with him that I would hurt my ex’s feelings. I tried to explain to him that I tried to tell him no but he kept blaming me. When I got back to my ex sister’s place (where I lived) and I tried to avoided talking about the night before.

When I got home I was trying to get a hold of my boyfriend but I wasn’t able to get a hold of him. My ex’s sister confronted me about what happened last night because apparently my ex called her. I tried to explain the situation but she sided with him by saying that he didn’t point a gun to my head and I could of left at any point, I was hurt. I texted my ex telling him that that night wasn’t supposed to happened that he pressured me into sleeping with him but he said that I could of walked away. In that moment I was so confused if it was rape or if it was actual sex. My ex threatened to tell my boyfriend that I cheated on him and that I liked it and etc.. After 3 days I finally got a message from my boyfriend asking me what the hell happened and explained that he got a message from my ex and he was really mad. I explained that I didn’t want to sleep with him but he pressured me but my boyfriend only saw it as cheating not rape. At the moment, he broke up with me and I was devastated.

I didn’t really have anyone to talk to because I wasn’t on good terms with any of my friends and I didn’t want to have this talk with my mom. I had so many plans with my boyfriend: we were suppose to move in together, build a family and get married but that night of the break up he got back with his ex girlfriend and got engaged. Now he’s happily married and has 4 kids. Still today I miss him. I wish we could talk things through and be friends but I know that’s not possible. I keep telling myself that I might actually have had a good life right now and be happy.

After all the heartache I moved back to Quebec with my family to get my life back together. I told myself that I would be doing a job that I love, that I could heal my heart again, and take care of my family- but that wasn’t the case for most part. My ex-fiancé was always trying to get a hold of me-texting, snap chatting, Facebook, etc. I kept telling him to leave me alone but he wouldn’t. It took me a long time for me to be able to supress my anger and bitterness. I stayed single even though my friends and family tried to hook me up with people. I’ve had people ask me for one night stands but I’ve turned them all down because I don’t personally think that sleeping with someone while I’m healing will help me at all or just sleeping with someone for the pleasure of it.

To be continued….

Stay Strong. Stay Beautiful. Keep fighting -Ivybelle- Xx

 

 

Ivybelle Talks about The Difference Between Tattoo’s And Self-Harm

 

“In case you didn’t know, dead people don’t bleed. If you can bleed-see it, feel it-then you know you’re alive. It’s irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.”  Amy Efaw, After

 

When I was younger I used to self-harm and I was addicted to it. I did it for many reason; to feel something when I was numb, to focus my pain on physical instead of emotional/mental, etc. I didn’t care if I lived or died and it became an addiction. It’s still something I struggle with- it’s a daily battle with myself. No, I don’t self-harm anymore and I’m proud of myself. I just keep trying to stay positive.
“I am a canvas of my experiences, my story is etched in lines and shading, and you can read it on my arms, my legs, my shoulders, and my stomach.” – Kat Von D
Ever since I was 11 years old I’ve wanted to get a tattoo. At 17 years old my dad paid for my very first tattoo, I was sooo happy. The first tattoo I got was a Treble Clef to symbolize my passion for music. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I’ve always wanted to be a musician. At 17 years old self-harming got worse and I was struggling. I wanted to be a musician but my dad wouldn’t allow me. I would listen to music all the time until my dad snapped at me because I was too obsessed with music, that’s all I ever did. Even though my dad didn’t want to help me with music, I was happy to get my tattoo because it was a reminder of who I am, who I was, who I will be and what I love.

The second tattoo I got was the words “Stay Strong” on my wrists to remind me to stay strong in hard moments. It’s also been a strong reminder to not self-harm.
I started to self-harm when I was 15,I would find different ways to harm myself… I had a lot of things going on and I didn’t know how to cope. After 3 years of therapy, I told myself I would get a tattoo and that was the tattoo I got. Originally I wanted something with “ stay strong” but I didn’t know what until I saw Demi Lovato with the tattoo on her wrists and I thought, “ wow! I want that!” and I did. A lot of people have asked me why I got that tattoo, to some people I tell the story but some are not aware.

The third tattoo that I have is a quote saying, “We accept the love we think we deserve”. I didn’t come up with that quote, I found it on Pintrest but I thought that it’s so true. I think everyone can relate to the idea of thinking that we either don’t deserve someone that treats us like a Queen/King. I got this because I, myself struggle with the idea of accepting the love I truly deserve. I always thought that I could only get a guy that thinks so little of me and takes me for granted. I never thought that I could get someone that treats me with respect, that doesn’t cheat, that loves me for me, that takes me out, etc.. Every morning I look in the mirror and say out loud the quote that I now have tattooed on me and it reminds me that I deserve someone loving and caring.

“My body is my journal, and my tattoos are my story.”

                                                                  — Johnny Depp

 

Some people that know about my past have all asked me the same question. “Isn’t self-harming and getting tattoos the same thing?” “ You used to self-harm so really you’re just finding an excuse to harm yourself again”.
No, I am not doing it to self-harm. When I get a tattoo it has to have a meaning or a story to tell. However, when the urges do come back getting a tattoo seems like a good idea to me. Yes in a way I’m replacing one pain by another but at least instead of having scars I’m getting a tattoo that portraits a beautiful memory/reminder, every tattoo has a story. I can understand why people ask me those questions it can be confusing especially when they know my past.

I will admit, when I get my tattoos I love the feeling of getting them. There’s a part of me that feels relief and feels good when I feel the pain. However, there’s another part of me that is scared that I will fall back into that habit- that’s scared of facing my past again. I guess in a way I’m replacing one pain with another.
No, I do not get a tattoo to self-harm, I get a tattoo because I want one and/or I have a story to add. Yes I’m turning a battle scar into a beautiful picture.

If you do plan on getting tattoos please make sure you get one for the right reasons…

-Ivybelle-
Stay Strong. Stay beautiful. Stay you.
Keep fighting.
xx

Lynn’s Views on Tattoos, Piercings, and Hair Colour

It really bewilders me that workplaces, schools, and even society in general would refuse people admittance to something solely based on something they decided to do to their looks. Even something as having a place that isn’t your earlobes pierced or having a small yet visible tattoo can cost people a job, education, or service. A person decided to change something about themselves to feel and/or look nice by their standards and, as long as it’s not offensive or going to actively cause an issue, I really see no problem with it. The story I’m about to tell may not fit in super cleanly with this, but I feel it’s…kind of related.

During the summer of last year, I dyed my hair bright pink. It was a drastic change and honestly I hardly recognized myself when we were finished. I loved it. I felt more confident with myself than I ever had before and all I did was change my hair color. But then I started worrying about getting a job. I didn’t have one at that point and I doubted anyone would take me in with my hair as it was. It left me having panic attacks about even applying for jobs at all. Even so, I still loved my hair and the me that went along with it and I wasn’t willing to change it back for some minimum wage job.

My point here is that I was so afraid of this stigma society’s enforced on anything “out of the ordinary” in the looks department that I literally had mental breakdowns. People get turned away for having nose rings or tongue piercings or visible tattoos. While the stigma seems to be slowly lifting, that doesn’t mean everything’s fixed. People still judge other people based solely on looks and it’s just downright silly.

Marie Talks: Tattoos and Piercings In Society

I remember growing up being told to not get tattoos, they’re ugly, dangerous, and makes you labeled a delinquent.  I remember being told not to get any visible piercings, nothing on my face or body, on my ears only. Even at the age of 12 I was when I saw a tattoo or piercing I thought was awesome I immediately thought of the potential implications and issues that could come with it later on I life.  I was taught from a young age that having tattoos, piercings, and unnaturally dyed hair made you basically unemployable, irresponsible, and ugly.

When I was twelve my parents finally allowed me to get my ears pierced.  They are of the belief that piercing a child’s ears before they are old enough to make the decision themselves isn’t right.  Not for the reason of it “promotes body piercings”; but for the sheer fact that it is altering the child’s body without their consent. They waited until they felt I was mature enough to make a decision to put holes in my body for a pointless reason other than that it’s pretty.  They wanted to make sure I was old enough to make a well thought out decision myself when it came to my body, and take care of them on my own.  No parent is wrong in the decision of when to pierce their child’s ears, if to even do so at all.  However I feel my parents made the right decision for me, they instilled the belief that I should be the only one to decide what is done to my body from a very young age and promoted it with the decision of piercing my ears.

However they also instilled societies stand point on how tattoos and piercings were viewed.  Which as I stated previously meant no piercings anywhere besides my ears and definitely no tattoos. When I was sixteen I went and got my tragus pierced, the cartilage that protrudes out in front of the ear canal. Needless to say my parents had no idea I was going to get this done, and were furious when they found out.  See I went with the loop hole that it was part of my ear, whereas my mother saw it as part of the face. Now I expected this drama, and had also worries of my own.  I was worried about how society would view this piercing and what it may imply about me.  Down the road seven years later I’ve learnt the only troubles having my tragus pierced caused is the pain in the bottom that healing was, trying to not get snagged while getting my hair cut, and children love yanking on it. If I haven’t pointed it out people rarely even realize it is there.

As soon as my tragus was fully healed, which was six months later I decided that I wanted my tongue pierced.  I had always thought it looked pretty and I wanted it for that fact alone. So again off I went and got my tongue pierced.  I had doubts and almost chickened out last minute. I worried that it would tell society that I was promiscuous, or tell men I was easy. I worried what future employers would think and if it would make me unemployable.  What pushed me to actually walk in the room and let the lady covered in beautiful tattoos and piercings stick a needle through my tongue is the knowledge of why I was getting it. I remembered at the end of the day I liked how the piercing looks and I cannot let society dictate what decisions I make for my body. That my opinion the only one that truly mattered, because the piercing, and my body, are for me and me alone to decide what I do with. A week and a half later when my parents finally saw the piercing they were furious,  I disobeyed them,  I ruined my beautiful face,  and I made myself look unemployable.  To me the only one I really held dear to me was the fact that I went against my parents and did something they had strictly forbidden me from doing. I did not feel as though I ruined anything, nor was I unemployable. All that happened is I put a piece of jewelry in my body that I found esthetically pleasing to look at.

When I was eighteen I got my first tattoo, I’ll admit I was terrified.  I was getting my grandpa’s nickname on the back of my neck, three months after he had passed.  As I mentioned in my Grieving a Loved One blog, I hadn’t taken his passing very well. I thought maybe putting his nickname on my body would help me move past my loss and have a piece of his memory visibly with me at all times.  I had thought it out, he was a big part of making me who I am and I loved him dearly. I had wanted to put it somewhere I could see the reminder when I needed, however with not knowing what I wanted in my future and how the tattoo would affect my career I put it in a more hidden place. As I was getting ready to get it done I was worried that it would hurt and how my parents would react. In the end my mother was upset that I got the tattoo as she is not a fan, and that I hid this decision from her; however she was touched that what I had done was in memory of her father.

The next fall I approached my mom, I wanted a tattoo in memory of my grandma who I had lost three years prior.  She was iffy with the idea but agreed to allow me to get it done as it was something that meant a lot to me and I had clearly thought it out.  I got an angel holding three hearts (one for my mom and both her brothers) on my shoulder with her name and the words “first and foremost my heart and soul, forever and always my guardian angel” on my left shoulder blade.  I had chosen those words as much like my grandpa she had a large part of shaping me into the woman I am today and will forever be one of my closest relatives. As well as I used to always call her my guardian angel as she was always there for me and always seemed to know when I needed her.  I now despise the tattoo as some of the detail was horribly done and ruined it for me. I want to get that covered and put something new on my body for my grandmother when I can afford it.

My last tattoo I got just after my twenty-first birthday, is a black and grey tiger lily on my right shoulder blade.  I love it, it holds two different meanings to me and is absolutely beautiful. My original plan for the tattoo was for it to be in full colour and also have forget-me-not flowers and my daughter’s name; however with a lot of thought going into it I decided to leave out the extra details as I knew what the tattoo meant and didn’t feel as all the extra details were necessary. As I mentioned in my teen pregnancy blog I miscarried at sixteen and had kept it fairly secret. Therefore I didn’t want to put this extravagant display on my body for everyone to see. To me a tiger lily represents beauty, strength and resilience, which I thought was fitting to use in her memory.  Over time before I got that tattoo it also gained a second meaning.  It also became a personal reminder to always keep fighting my battle against bipolar type two.  It was a reminder that I can get past even the darkest times, that things get better. A reminder that I didn’t let the Sorrow of my miscarriage drown me, that I shouldn’t let anything else. To me this is my most powerful tattoo that serves as the biggest reminder to me that nothings worth giving up fighting over.

I do believe that tattoos and piercings make it harder to find a job, but as the years pass it is becoming easier to find jobs that allow piercings and tattoos. There is still a stigma attached to tattoos and piercings, although it is slowly losing its wide spread influence on society and more and more people are appreciating the beauty and self-expression, over the belief it makes you ugly or a delinquent.

My personal belief is that every tattoo you put on your body is a piece of artwork, and each one tells a story, holds a meaning.  As long as it means something to the person who put it on their body and/or they like it, that is all that matters. As for piercings as long as the person who has it likes it and it does not pose a health or safety risk to them, go for it.  Your body is your own, tattoo it, dress it, and pierce it as you wish. But remember tattoos are permanent, so think it through before you get it done.

Stay Beautiful. Stay You. Stay Unique Lovies,
Marie Olsson xx

Lynn self care part 2

So this subject honestly could and couldn’t have come up at a better time. A couple months ago, I got my first job. I’m now working in a kitchen at a fast food joint in a mall food court. It gets stressful and I’ve broken down almost every day since I’ve started. Since that’s a pretty bad thing to happen on the clock, I’ve been trying to find ways to improve my mental health. I’ll be talking about how I handle my self care, so if it isn’t what you’re looking for or it doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry and I hope you find something that does.

Taking the little things life has to offer has kept me going for years now and honestly some of these things really help lift attitudes, both mine and other peoples, even if it’s just by a small amount. Putting on a clean pair of pants seems to work well, even if you’re not planning on going anywhere. Not sure why it helps, but it does. Taking a shower and getting yourself cleaned up works too. Heck, go all out and give yourself a pampering day!

Getting yourself out of the house on free days works too, even for just grabbing a snack or a drink but sometimes you just need a day indoors and that’s fine too. Just make sure to let people around you know what’s going on if and before you close yourself off. I’ve been pretty guilty of that lately with TIME actually and I feel super bad about that. Thinking is all well and good too, but just be sure not to overthink things and dwell until you’ve drained yourself even more. Make sure to have some fun and keep yourself preoccupied.

If all else fails and this problem seems to be out of your hands, you might want to seek professional help, like a therapist. Don’t worry, it’s been suggested to me a few times too and I’m told there are some that are there solely for people with low income. I have yet to find any myself, but I trust that there are.

I hope you guys find a method of self care that works for you! Remember, you have your whole life ahead of you!

Howie, Self Care Part 2

Ok so today as I’m writing this it’s coming up on my 21st birthday so I’m actually gonna talk a bit about that.  Also hey blog readers it’s, Howie Defranco and you might be wondering why I started this differently because it’s what I did for self care this month.  So let’s see to start with this Thursday my friends from work and I are going to go see Hail,Caeser! and then go get some dinner at my favourite restaurant Boston Pizza.  Movie and pizza what can I say I’m a simple kinda guy, but it’s gonna be a fun night.  Friday I’m going with my main crew of friends to see a movie I’ve been waiting for since I knew who the character was…… Deadpool!!!!!!! like geez one of my all time favourites gets a movie release on my birthday.  I’m so excited to see it and then spend another night in great company.

A week and a bit after that because it’s mine and my friends 21st’s this weekend were gonna go on a road trip down. To the states for few days.  For one to get a break and get away from everything for a few days and just relax, go gamble, meet some new faces, do something stupid.  Whatever we do it is dedicated to just forgetting our responsibilities for a while and taking care of our mental health.  So yeah that’s what I’m doing for my self care this month I think it’s a pretty good thing to do for it.

Marie Talks: Self-care

Self-care is highly important for your mental health and all around wellness. It can help with calming you down,  refreshing your mind,  and re-energize your mind and body.

What is Self-care?
“Self care is care provided “for you, by you.” It’s about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It is taking the time to do some of the activities that nurture you. Self care is about taking proper care of yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you treat others.”

Why is Self-Care Important?
Self-care is important because our mind and body does not function well  when we are stressing out, busy, overwhelming our schedules and/or not making time for ourselves. We all deserve a chance to sit back, take a breath and stop worrying or planning in our minds. Without our minds having the breaks it needs/deserves we stop being able to think properly. We can lose the ability to see all of our options, feel refreshed and cope well with stress.

Remember it’s OK to put yourself first, even if only once in a while.

So as a group we all had a challenge for ourselves, to do something for ourselves and recuperate. I look forward to talking to you more about self-care next week and sharing with you what I did for myself.

What do you do for self-care? I’d love to hear from you.

Stay Beautiful Lovies,
Marie Olsson xx

Sources:

Self Care for Women: Fact Sheet What Is Self Care? (2009): n. pag. Web. <http://www.fgwrc.ca/uploads/ck/files/Resources/Factsheets/FactSheetSelfCare.pdf&gt;.

Howie Defranco on Self Care Part 1

Hey blog readers it’s Howie Defranco and today we’re going to discuss the all too important concept of self care. Self care is basically looking after you, your needs and nurturing them, which we all need to do to keep ourselves sane. I mean if all you ever do in life is for someone else, then even if out of love your life is their life not your own. Something to think about for all you altruistic do gooders out there who never think about your own needs. I’m completely calling myself out with that line but I do try to maintain a certain level of self care to but will get to that later. For this is about self care as a whole.
Now all those of you reading this I want you to get in a comfortable position, breathe deep and think of the greatest moment in your life. Then hold that feeling, feel the warmth it brings into your soul and then do it every time you get mad or upset or lose your confidence. Heal yourself with the strength of your memories, it’s an easy form of self care just to choose to remember the good times, to feel that emotion again. Then go find a book, a movie, a song you love and read it, watch it, listen to it and feel good about who you are. For self care is about taking care of who you are and that should matter most to you.

Howie discusses self esteem

Hey blog readers, it’s Howie Defranco and today we will be talking about self esteem and this is going to mostly be a personal story. Self esteem is how you see your own personal worth, and how you judge yourself. Often people confuse it with confidence as that is believing in yourself and I suppose if you have confidence you should have a good self esteem. As there is a correlation between believing in yourself and having a good view of yourself. In this day and age though self esteem just seems to be a fleeting thought though when you hear stories of people hating themselves, hurting themselves, or just not trying because they think there’s no point.
Which brings us to the personal story, about my own level of self esteem and how it came to be. I truly think sometimes that I do not have a great amount of worth in my life, as a kid I was raised to believe I could do anything, or be anything. Every time I try though I mean yes obstacles come up in life, but when it feels like life is taking a baseball bat to your head for trying you lose faith in that. It all starts with my mom who is a yo yo of emotions, as in one minute she’s the best mom in the world, the next she’s saying she wishes you were never born. Sometimes this is said in the heat of an argument and sometimes it is just said, growing up with that I never could tell if I was doing the right thing.
All I’ve ever wanted to do as far back as I can remember is be a good person, and I love my mom but stuff like that is why I question things in my head so much. I mean can you blame me there was that, and then in elementary school I was the smartest kid in the class but my teacher always said I acted like a 40 year old in a 10 year olds body. A part of that I like to think meant I had a good head on my shoulders, truthfully though he meant that I didn’t fit in. I was an outcast in elementary school except for like two close friends and I don’t even mean the guys I’m friends with today. We weren’t close back then and I spent quite a few lunches aimlessly walking around the school.
Then you know if you read my blogs I had a rough time emotionally in high school, after high school and recently. Even now I question my worth everyday at my job and in my social life. At work they’ve been talking about promoting me for two years and I feel like it’s an eternity, every time they say it’s gonna be you Howie and then they’re like oh sorry. In my social life I just I can’t help my own brain, it always thinks someone is mad or upset and I obsess over it and over apologize and I don’t know I just can’t accept when my friends say I’m the best guy they know.
Self esteem is one of the most important things for you to have in this life. It can drive you to be better and believe in yourself so if you have it hold on to it and don’t let anyone destroy it.

Marie’s Talk on Suicide

“Don’t do it.”
“You’ll be ok.”
“Things get better.”
“Think of us, we love you.”
Anyone who has contemplated suicide has probably heard these words countless times.

When suicide feels like it’s the best option, over staying alive, it doesn’t mean the person is weak. When you are at the point that death seems like the best solution it’s because you have fought so hard to be at the point you are and you feel like you have no fight left. You feel like you are drowning, that there is no way out and nothing is getting better or easier and it can feel like everything is just getting worse. You have no will power, energy or reasons to keep fighting. You have lost that glimmer of light to see that things get better. You don’t know what else to do to make things better.

“Just kill yourself already.”
“Suicide is the pussies way out,”
“Stop being a whiney brat.”
“We’d be better off without you anyways.”
Words hurt and they can be taken to heart.

Words alone are not enough to convince someone not to commit suicide but they can help push them farther towards it. When you hit such a low point in life where you feel as though suicide is your only option your loved ones words are not the only thing you need to be alright. You need their support, love, actions, encouragement and you need help. In some ways you can compare suicide to drowning. Like drowning words alone will not save you from suicide.

Imagine you are drowning, are words alone going to save you? If someone is standing somewhere safe and telling you ‘don’t drown’ or ‘just swim to safety’ that’s not going to help a lot. Just like if you are suicidal being told ‘don’t commit suicide’ or ‘just fight harder’ does not help you get through it. If you are drowning it is helpful for the person to give you a flotation device, it will keep you afloat; but that can be only a temporary saviour if you can’t bring yourself to safety. Just with suicidal thoughts it can be temporary fix to have your mind and time occupied; but as soon as you are alone again it’s easy to slip right back down into your thoughts and plans of suicide. If you are drowning it is helpful for the person to come out to you and help you pull yourself to safety or give you a device that’ll help keep you afloat and bring you to safety. Much like drowning, when dealing with suicide it is helpful for a loved one to talk to you, find out what is wrong. It’s also helpful for them to show (not just say) they care and are listening, for them to try and understand. For them to be there for you when you are struggling, and to get you help. To help you and not just give you the tools and expect you to figure out how to work it, to be by your side and help you. It is helpful for them to meet you where you are at and not expect you to just come to where they are first.

“I’m here for you.”
“What’s wrong?”
“You don’t have to do this alone, we can get through this together.”
Having support can make all the difference.

If you are feeling suicidal reach out to someone you trust.
If you notice someone may be suicidal reach out to them, don’t just turn a blind eye.
If someone expresses that they are suicidal help them, support them. Help them work through it, and get professional help.
You are never alone. Don’t suffer in silence.

Stay Loud. Stay Proud. Stay Strong, Lovies.
Marie Olsson xx

Madison and The Stereotypes of Suicide

Definition from dictonary.com:
“The intentional taking of one’s own life.”

Suicide like self harm is hard to talk about because of how touchy of a subject it is and there is always a fear of accidently triggering someone , or offending someone. So I always try to keep that in mind and try to keep as many details as possible so this blog may not be as personal as my other blogs. So my blog today like most other times is going to be on stereotypes.
Stereotype:

People who talk about suicide do it to get attention.
That can be true in some ways, but I believe Its on the same kind of attention people think it is. When at any point someone come to you talking about the difficulty they are facing/ having it more of a cry for help, rather the attention seeking. Suicide is a very serious issue that people go through and it’s not something people want to do. If I could it out of my head I would, but it takes a lot of love and support to help get through it.
I struggle with suicide and depression as some people know if you guys got a chances to read any of my other blogs. I go through suicidal episodes and it’s hard to take about it. I can openly talk about I when I’m not going through an episode but when I’m in one it’s hard enough to even smile let alone let some one else in, and that is typically the time I need the most help.
Suicide is not very common.
Oh I wish that was true, but sadly it’s more common then people think. It’s something that is not typically talked about much, unless it impacts you. I have a few family members and friend that struggle so I’ve always known a lot about the topics, but due the negative stigma around suicide it’s not very heard about. My parent for one have a very different look on suicide because they think if no body talks about it, it will go away on it own. With some thing yes that may work but other not so much.
Once someone has made up their minds to die, they can’t be helped.
No there is always hope, someone may just need to see you fight for them to help change there minds. If a person really wanted to go they already be gone, there would be no talking about it. There is always a reason to stay, they just might not be able to see it.
There had been days that I felt like I’ve had nothing left to live for, and sometime all it took was a simple hello from a old friend, or a sweet smile from a random stranger. The little thing in life make life worth living but even the best of us seem to miss it sometimes. Nobody perfect, where would the fun be if we all were.
To be able to enjoy a good day we have to experience a bad day. To be sad you have to know what happy feels like. To ask for help is not weakness it’s a sign of strength and trust in one’s self. Never forget you are cared for, you are loved, and you mean something, you just may not see it yet.

-Madison Taylor.

Brian View on Suicide

Suicide is a scary thought that no one should ever consider doing. Some of us I know if not most of us in the world go through a lot in our life and often times all we want to do is go somewhere far and just give up and end our life. Let me tell you something, I have been there many times in the past couple years and I cant even count the times I have attempted to end my life, at times I’m like why didn’t I kill myself when I had the perfect chase, why cant I just give up and go somewhere no one knows me or find me and kill myself, like why am I living, let me tell you something I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for the support of a couple friends holding me down and breaking me emotionally telling me how much life is going to get better soon. I should have been dead years ago when I held a gun to my head and couldn’t pull the trigger no matter how hard I tried to I just couldn’t do it, the one person that came to my mind when I closed my eyes was my baby niece, whenever I feel low I think of her and she just makes me feel better. Even though I can’t see her she is always close to me when I close my eyes.
I know how hard it is, where there’s days you just want to die and not live because you feel alone boys and girls whoever is reading this I want you to know, you are never ever going be alone in the world there is always going to be someone else in the world that is going through the same situation as you and that is ready to give up but I want you to know hang in there. No matter how hard life feels like its the end of the world its not, life is tough, life is rough, and often times we don’t know what to do, but there is so much you can do about it, when you feel like you want to end it all think of a love one and how hurt they would be if they found out you died? Think about the people that care and love you even when you deny that no one loves you, honestly you are loved and cared for its our intentions and negative thoughts that make us believe and think different. I know we all heard it before in life don’t be so negative and don’t be so upset, honestly its not a bad thing to be upset often times its good to be upset so you can release emotions and crying is good.
When you feel upset when you feel like the world is giving you hard times and feel like ending your life, think of someone you love dearly and talk to someone, talk to someone you can trust and tell them how your feeling, tell them that you want to give up be honest with them, I know I wouldn’t want anyone to go to that extreme, I know the struggle of suicide but remember there is someone else wanting to give up but don’t. The pain your battling, and your scars will change someone else’s life, I have my scars and I have my wounds but I’m still here surviving but what didn’t kill me in the past only made me stronger, I am a stronger and better person each day that goes by, each day I learn new things from people and talk to them about what I went through because I realized what I hid from everyone else only made things worse. Talk to someone about how you feel and don’t worry everyday is going to get better and better you are not alone.
this is Brian O’Connor stay beautiful