Healthy Relationships – Brian O’Connor

What makes a healthy relationship? The number one thing that makes a healthy relationship in life is communication, then there’s trust. Every relationship should have great communication between involved parties or else the relationship won’t really go anywhere; because if not you’re going to question whether something is wrong, or if something happened. In order to have great communication you need to speak up, talk about what is going on, talk about if there is something bothering you, or even talk about what you both can do to make things better for the relationship. A relationship is a two person job not one, and nobody else should be involved either. When other people get involved in a relationship it becomes to get iffy because your friends may not like the person you’re with or they tend to try to take you away from that person. I know I’ve been in a couple relationships where my friends would take me away from my girlfriend and stop me from seeing or talking to her because of how jealous they were since I was spending more time with her then them and I had some people who I thought were my friends try to hit on my girlfriend and I’m going “are you kidding me right now.” Stand up for yourself and stand up for your partner don’t let anyone walk all over them because they don’t like the person, communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

The other thing that makes a healthy relationship is trust, and I know for some people trust is a big issue now a day’s that most of us have. I for one have trust issues and don’t get me wrong some people think I’m stupid for having trust issues but what do you expect having being cheated on multiple times by people I trusted… If you’re going to be in a relationship with someone get to know them first, see how they are, try and build yourself up to talk to them about anything and everything gain their trust because it’s not given just like that its earned. Everyone in a relationship should be able to go out and do things with their friends or even have time to themselves relax and chill just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to be each other 24/7. Often times it’s good to have some space and just do you, go out and have a boys or girls night, go out to a sporting event or go out with the girls to the spa do something away from each other where you can still make time for others and know that you can trust them that their not going to do something else. Trust each other, compromise on something that works for both of you. Work things out together and know that if you have been with the person for a long time they’re not going to do anything to break that, have faith in them trust them and work it out.

If you’re like me that gives to people and don’t expect anything in return just know that it will cost you big time in the long run. It’s good to give in a relationship like buy a gift here and there or even go for dinner and treat your partner out, but remember don’t go overboard with it. Don’t get me wrong if I had a girl I would do whatever I can to make sure she’s happy and has what she needs but at the same time make sure you don’t go blowing all your money and stuff, guys don’t feel bad either though if your girl wants to pay a bill instead just split it or something. If your girl buys you gifts or something you like, thank her with flowers or surprise her by making dinner at home or something she loves, it’s the small things in life that goes a long way. At times do something you both love to do go for a walk, join a cooking group, or book club, or have movie nights. Do something you love to do together or chill at home watch T.V and play video games. Doing what you both enjoy will give you a strong and healthy relationship plus you can have fun while doing it, plus a relationship doesn’t always have to be so serious, you can always make time for each other. Regardless what your schedule looks like.

One thing for certain is that don’t let anybody come in between your relationship, don’t let people bring you down, you guys can still have them as friends but if they’re trying to ruin your relationship then they’re not really friends at all are they? But that’s just my opinion, I wouldn’t want anyone coming in between my relationship if I had one, because of who I’m seeing, who I see is my business no one else’s. If you love someone or like someone and are together or planning to be just remember appreciate the small things in life you have together and build on each other’s weakness learn from one another and see where your relationship takes you guys. Think of it this way where you guys are right now rather in a relationship or not just know communication and trust comes first talk to each other and don’t hide anything, it’s your relationship and no one else’s.

Much love I hope you can have that strong and healthy relationship.
Brian O’Connor

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Healthy Relationships – Marie

I have been through my fair share of relationships, which is something I am not very proud of. However they have taught me a couple of things about relationships that I didn’t know prior or did but had not put into play. As with anything in life, relationships are full of a lot of guessing games and are definitely a long process of learning, as every relationship is different.

When I hear ‘healthy relationship’ a list comes to mind. Which I will share along with my reasons.

Communication
* Communication is key to any relationship, whether it’s between you and your significant other, parent, friend or boss. Being able to discuss what’s wrong or just what makes you happy will make the biggest difference in the long run. To build or maintain a strong healthy relationship both parties need to be able to vocalize what is going on or what they have an issue with.  It is important to be able to discuss a problem civilly without saying something to purposefully hurt your partner or getting physical.

Trust
*   What is any sort of relationship whether it is romantic,  platonic or family without trust? Now I don’t mean you have to give it to them all at once,  trust should be earned, however a relationship would not last without being able to trust the actions and words of the other person.  Blind trust is not healthy,  but trust is,  without trust you can spend hours analyzing every word and action of the other person trying to disect what their motives are.

Balance of Give and Take
*Whether we are talking attention,  money,  blame or any resources it is healthy for both parties to take some of weight.  Don’t expect your partner to pay for everything,  or expect to pay for everything yourself.  There’s nothing wrong with both or either parties splitting the cost of things or taking turns.  We all crave the affection and attention of our partner but it’s a two way street,  both need to relieve and give the attention. Both parties also need to be able to give credit and blame where it’s due not just push it on one party.  For anything it needs a balance,  and I don’t mean it needs to be equal in all aspects but for both parties to make an effort into the relationship not leave it all up to the other.

Ability to admit you need your partner
* This I’ll admit I struggle with,  the ability to admit I need my partner,  however it is important.  Your partner should enhance your life and support you not just sit there on the sidelines.  Your partner is your equal,  and can be one of your best supporters. If you need a hug or just to talk to them there’s nothing wrong with expressing that need.  Beyond that though when I say that it’s important that you have the ability to admit you need your partner I mean that you can admit they do make your life better,  that things would be different.  I don’t just mean that you should be able to express when you need your partner for something,  but also that just their presence in your life makes a positive impact on your life.

Future
* Being able to see a future with your partner and not just a here and now is important, as is striving towards having that future.

Commitment
*Being committed to your relationship,  to your partner. Willing to work on your relationship,  to put an effort into it. The ability to not put it off to the sidelines so you can focus on everything else but keeping a balance.  Along with being loyal,  faithful to your partner.

Compromise
*We will never always see eye to eye with our partner and it’s important to find a happy medium between the two. Or being able to come to an understanding of where your partner is coming from and vice versa., not everything is black and white being able to see the grey (or colourful) and find a happy place there.

Balance of time spent with and without your partner
* Just like it is important to spend time together it is also just as important to have time apart. Whether the time is spent alone or with friends space from the other person is good and healthy.

Forgiveness
* I’m not saying that you should forgive your partner for cheating (especially not repeatedly) or anything else that crosses your personal boundaries. What I am saying letting go of the little things when appropriate (like after an apology) and not holding it over your partners head.

Listening
* This goes with communication but it’s a whole different topic. As with any relationship whether it’s romantic, platonic, family or work related you need to use put your active listening skills to work. By active listening skills I mean not putting your attention anywhere else but on the other person. Paying attention to their words, their tone, facial expressions and body language.

Don’t just be partners be best friends 
* In a relationship with all these previous points it’s hard to not become best friends but this is also an important one. The want to share your joys and your downs with the person. The wanting to include them in the things you do and wanting to spend lots of time together.

It is healthy to disagree
You don’t have to agree everything, and not always having the same point of view is good, and discussing both sides. However it is not healthy to argue in the sense of yelling, belittling or anything possibly hurtful.

Hard work
* Just like anything good in life, a relationship takes a lot of hard work. It takes a lot of dedication, time, and is a non stop process. Whether it’s been one month or sixty years the relationship still needs to be fed. In the end though it can be very worthwhile.

Stay Proud. Stay Loud. Stay Loving Lovies.
Marie Olsson xx