Lynn on Why I am Leaving TIME

So as you’ve probably noticed at this point in time, I haven’t been as active in TIME posts. This is due to my life becoming more hectic and trying to get a grasp on it for both my sake and the sake of my family. This has gotten to the point however that I can no longer focus on TIME as a whole and still manage to keep my mind. Heck, even this was supposed to be done…at least a month ago now I think? Sorry about the delay on that. With all that in mind I’ve decided to leave TIME, but if you’ll allow me I’d like to explain exactly why I feel I have to.

As it stands now, my family is barely making it paycheck to paycheck. My older sister is buying food for the three of us all on her own and that eats up her entire paycheck on its own. I try to help out when I can, but my work hardly gives me enough shifts to make any kind of decent money and now I’ve gotten no shifts in about a month now. My older sister and I have been so busy looking for new jobs, we hardly have time to think. Our dad is paying our rent, but he’s also paying his own and his bills and our situation is even running him out of money, so we’re trying to be able to take that off his hands. My younger sister still doesn’t have a job and she’s turning nineteen soon, so I’m trying to help her in getting that all sorted, but with her lack of drive and everything else on our plate, it’s hard to do anything. With all this and more happening, I can hardly make time for TIME.

Long story short, capitalism sucks. I’m joking, but in all seriousness, I find that my sister carrying all three of us alone is simply unacceptable. This entire situation needs to change and it needs to change now. I need to buckle down and work harder here so I can help her, my younger sister, my dad, and myself. I’m sorry to have to leave like this, but I really think it’s for the best. I mean if I can’t even help the people in front of me, heck even myself, who can I honestly say I can help?

• Lynn Rascal

Lynn On: Depression and Me

Here’s a little warning before you start getting into this. I’ll be writing on my experience with depression and how I manage. My way may not work for everyone and if it’s extreme enough for suicidal thoughts and tendencies, I suggest going to a medical and/or mental profressional instead.

So I’ve suffered from depression for a long time and still do to this day. I used to take antidepressants for it, almost every dosage doctors could legally give me, but nothing really worked. Nothing really made me “happy” or “stopped the sadness”. I realized later in life that that’s not what the pills are supposed to do anyway and even if they did, a lot of my depression came from my situation at the time so there was really no way of fixing that. Leaving the situation I was in did help, but it was more than that. I still have depression and it’s still affecting me, but I’m trying to figure out a way to manage.

When my depression hits hard, I feel…empty. Like I’m not supposed to exist. Like I should, and I’m going to get stupidly artsy here, melt into the night sky or sink into the sea. Something like that that leads to me vanishing and putting and end to something that’s gone on too long. It’s not a suicidal thought process I don’t think, just a very empty, lonely, and all around sad feeling. It may take a long time to push on sometimes like weeks or months, and I doubt the feeling will ever really go away, but I learned something that helps me feel better about it all.

It’s okay. It’s okay for me to be upset. It’s okay for me to feel down and out and tired of life in general. I know it’s a mental illness but I also know that there’s no real ‘end all’ cure. Like I said, it’ll probably be with me my whole life and in my case it’s not all consumming, so I think I can handle on my own for the most part.

It’s like a really pesky cat in my case. I should know, I own one. Sometimes it’ll do everything in it’s power to get my attention and most of the time I hand it over. I pet it and talk to it as it meows at me, but sorting it out tends to quite it down enough to take it’s attention off me a while. Other times, like now as I’m writing this for example, I have to push it aside to get this done. It’s tried to get my undivided attention, but I put on some chill music while I work. That seems to shut it up for a while and makes it like a cat sleeping on my lap or something akin to that.

After I’m finished this though, I’ll probably keep the music going while thinking on this whole thing on my own. Which is fine since I usually do that anyway, even when I’m out with friends or at meetings. Sometimes, I just need to stop and step away to sort it out. Again, it may take a while and I may not get it all done, but I’ll be good enough to make it the rest of the way. And I think that’s all I need at the end of the day.

Lynn Rascal’s Issues in Her Current Workplace

(plus touching on why mental illness is as important as physical illness)
So I work in the fast food industry and let me tell you, it is chaotic. Large orders, impatient customers, constantly restocking inventory. It’s a lot for me to handle. Luckily I don’t have to work alone often, but when I do and things get hectic, I can literally break down crying. I’m not entirely sure what the cause of it is, be it mental illness or just a weak spine, but I have a hunch it’s the former if not just a mix of both. Anyway, I’m going to explain what exactly happens when I “freak out” at work.

Most of the time it happens when I mess up an order or when something will take a while to be made or something like that. I start to panic, my breathing gets really shallow, and I start to make either whining like noises or sob sounds. Oftentimes, I start to feel like I’m drowning and gasp for air. If it gets worse, I will have actual tears start falling and lose almost all of my focus. The worst that’s happened so far is that I started outright crying, hyperventilating, and almost wound up on the floor (I did actually fall onto the floor once but that due to physical illness and I was promptly sent home). My coworker often has to step in for me when that happens and that just makes me feel even worse about the whole thing.

Now maybe I’m just not cut out for the food business, and trust me I’m looking for a new field like the dickens, but all this has got me thinking. If this doesn’t scream that mental illness should be treated just as importantly as physical illness, I don’t know what does. Like I said though, I might not be mentally ill and should really really really see a professional, but that just proves my point even more. Mentally, I might be right as rain! (though looking at my reactions in actual words I highly doubt it) But if I’m mentally fine, how would someone who was actually mentally ill be on a bad day?

Personally, I feel we should be able to call in when we really aren’t mentally capable of handling work that day. Hell, one of the effects of depression is not even having the physical/mental energy to get out of bed, let alone go into work and get stuff done. Sometimes the effects of mental illness are much more powerful and crippling than that of a physical one and it kinda makes me sad that not a lot of people get that. I wish more people could understand, but I get that it’s kinda hard to explain, let alone have someone wrap their head around. Maybe in the future things will be better…

Anyway, I’ve rambled on and I have to get a few other things done too. Heck I still have to pack my uniform for work tomorrow! Whoops… Again though, I’m still not entirely sure what my issue at work is and should see a professional most definitely, but like I said I work in fast food. I get paid practically peanuts, so that’s probably not happening anytime soon. I wish you all the best of luck in your life and I hope you all wish me the best in my work. Trust me guys, I need it…

Lynn’s Views on Tattoos, Piercings, and Hair Colour

It really bewilders me that workplaces, schools, and even society in general would refuse people admittance to something solely based on something they decided to do to their looks. Even something as having a place that isn’t your earlobes pierced or having a small yet visible tattoo can cost people a job, education, or service. A person decided to change something about themselves to feel and/or look nice by their standards and, as long as it’s not offensive or going to actively cause an issue, I really see no problem with it. The story I’m about to tell may not fit in super cleanly with this, but I feel it’s…kind of related.

During the summer of last year, I dyed my hair bright pink. It was a drastic change and honestly I hardly recognized myself when we were finished. I loved it. I felt more confident with myself than I ever had before and all I did was change my hair color. But then I started worrying about getting a job. I didn’t have one at that point and I doubted anyone would take me in with my hair as it was. It left me having panic attacks about even applying for jobs at all. Even so, I still loved my hair and the me that went along with it and I wasn’t willing to change it back for some minimum wage job.

My point here is that I was so afraid of this stigma society’s enforced on anything “out of the ordinary” in the looks department that I literally had mental breakdowns. People get turned away for having nose rings or tongue piercings or visible tattoos. While the stigma seems to be slowly lifting, that doesn’t mean everything’s fixed. People still judge other people based solely on looks and it’s just downright silly.

Lynn Talks about Communication

I’ll be the first to admit that communication is one of the hardest things to do during a hard time or just in general. Trust me, I’m a frequent offender of cutting myself off from people. At the same time though, it’s also one of the most important things to maintain. Especially during a hard time. Staying alone may seem easiest and best, but it often leads to a whirlpool of confusion and negativity for everyone involved.

Now I’m not saying that alone time isn’t allowed, not at all. Being alone at times can certainly be a valid solution if it works for you. Just remember that if you’re going to “go dark in the field” as it were, just give your friends, family, and everyone else a warning before you do so. If you’re not comfortable talking about the issue at hand or just most interaction in general, you have every right to say so, even if you’re feeling you’re being pressured into it.

Keeping silent about it forever isn’t a good solution, though. You’re free to talk about it whenever you feel comfortable, just make sure you actually talk about it with someone. If you don’t feel comfortable telling a friend or family member, maybe look into talking to a counselor or possibly a therapist. If money’s an issue, try looking up “help hotlines” on Google. There’ll always be someone to talk to whenever you’re ready.

Lynn self care part 2

So this subject honestly could and couldn’t have come up at a better time. A couple months ago, I got my first job. I’m now working in a kitchen at a fast food joint in a mall food court. It gets stressful and I’ve broken down almost every day since I’ve started. Since that’s a pretty bad thing to happen on the clock, I’ve been trying to find ways to improve my mental health. I’ll be talking about how I handle my self care, so if it isn’t what you’re looking for or it doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry and I hope you find something that does.

Taking the little things life has to offer has kept me going for years now and honestly some of these things really help lift attitudes, both mine and other peoples, even if it’s just by a small amount. Putting on a clean pair of pants seems to work well, even if you’re not planning on going anywhere. Not sure why it helps, but it does. Taking a shower and getting yourself cleaned up works too. Heck, go all out and give yourself a pampering day!

Getting yourself out of the house on free days works too, even for just grabbing a snack or a drink but sometimes you just need a day indoors and that’s fine too. Just make sure to let people around you know what’s going on if and before you close yourself off. I’ve been pretty guilty of that lately with TIME actually and I feel super bad about that. Thinking is all well and good too, but just be sure not to overthink things and dwell until you’ve drained yourself even more. Make sure to have some fun and keep yourself preoccupied.

If all else fails and this problem seems to be out of your hands, you might want to seek professional help, like a therapist. Don’t worry, it’s been suggested to me a few times too and I’m told there are some that are there solely for people with low income. I have yet to find any myself, but I trust that there are.

I hope you guys find a method of self care that works for you! Remember, you have your whole life ahead of you!

Lynn Cross Culture

I’d like to start this off by saying that this is just my personal opinion and does not reflect the opinions of the entire group. I don’t believe it’s a bad opinion, I just want to state that if I come off as a bit…”jerkish”, that’s me being jerkish, not TIME. I will try my best not to be harsh, though. To be honest, it’ll be pretty hard for me to come up with something to write. I mean, this doesn’t even seem like something that should be an issue, but lo and behold, it is, so I’ll take a crack at it.
I remember in high school, we had exchange students that came in from Germany for a while. I made friends with a few of them and learned a lot about them and their country. It was really nice and I doubt I’ll ever forget them. My co-workers are Hindi and are some of the sweetest ladies I have ever met and often look out for me when I get escpecially overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter to them that I’m a different ethnicity and it doesn’t to me either. They treat me like a person and I return in kind.
Look, my point is the world is a big place and I feel we should all strive to have a viewpoint that’s just as big. People are all different, from our race to our personalities to even our fingerprints. This may come off as awkwardly written and poorly planned out, and I’m sorry for that, but it really is because this is just such a baffling issue to me. I can’t imagine what it’s like being, at the very least, disliked solely because of your race and I’d like to apologize on behalf of…well everyone. I just hope people can learn and grow and love one another someday and we can finally find some semblance of peace.

Lynn’s Favourite Food

To start things off, I’m going to say that I really like food in general. Eating it, cooking it (well trying to cook it in my case), you name it, I probably like it. This made picking a favourite food a bit of a challange for me, but I finally found my answer after doing things the hard way and taking a few factors into account. Taste, price, fufillment, and sentimentality. That last one may seem a little weird (well price too but hey we’ve always lived on a tight budget), but sentimentality was really the deciding factor in all this. Now I can say without a doubt what my favourite food is.

Slop. That’s what my favourite food is. Well we call it Slop, but it’s just rice mixed with mushroom soup and bits of cooked beef and optional peas or string beans. It’s pretty tasty and doesn’t take much effort or money to make, but what makes it my favourite food is the memories tied to it. Our first time eating it that I remember was with our dad in front of the T.V on those classic, metal fold out T.V trays. A simple memory, maybe, but a pleasant one none the less.

After that the dish was made more and more, much to our delight, yet it still had no name. Given it’s odd grey appreance and weird squishy slurpy sound when you scoop it onto your plate, we three young children decided on the perfect name. Thus, Slop became a family specialty. A simple, sentimental dish for a simple, sentimental person. Seems like it was meant to be my favourite, huh?

Lynn’s Warnings On Unhealthy Relationships

I’ve seen a lot of bad romantic relationships in my life. Never been in any myself mind you, good or bad, but I digress. Since I don’t have any experience in this I’ll be talking about a couple of bad relationships I’ve had front row seats for in watching, seeing as they were my older sister’s wild rides. The relationships weren’t unhealthy just…not good, so blog will probably be more about bad romantic relationships and what not to do to not end up in one.

Her first relationship was, as I remember and personally see it, very much like how many first relationships go. Lots of lovey-dovey daydreams, seeing the world through rose colored glasses, and being more in love with the fact that you’re actually in a relationship. That lasted for a while until the honeymoon period wore off and my sister realized she was basically taking care of a controlling boyfriend with no ambition and trust issues. It wasn’t for a while after she came out of that high that she decided to break up with him. The moral of this story; don’t be controlling or put up with controlling behaviour and if you don’t like someone’s personality, you don’t have to simply put up with it.

Her next relationship was, at least the rest of our family and I felt, bound to be a trainwreck from the start. Regardless, it was my sister’s decision to make and she stuck with it for five years. She endured his temper tantrums and anger issues with a sigh and a smile and stayed with him through his stupid ideas and faults which he never owned up to or recognized. Now when I say “stupid ideas” in this case, I don’t mean just some dumb teenager plan, I mean getting yourself hospitalized for a week, promising not to do the thing that got you hospitalized again, and then getting hospitalized for the same thing a month later. That was essentially the cut off point for her in that relationship. The moral of this story; someone else’s anger issues are not your fault or yours to deal with, own up to your faults and mistakes and don’t let someone else’s weigh you down.

I keep hearing a sort of point going around that if you wouldn’t take some sort of behaviour from your best friend, you definitely shouldn’t take it from your romantic partner. To be honest, I agree. A relationship isn’t really something that should be put on a pedestal, they’re supposed to be natural and fun. Again, I’ve never been in a relationship and am mostly just projecting my thoughts here, but I hope that you try to see what I see and strive to find a nice, healthy, and fun relationship to be in yourself, romantic or not.

Lynn’s favorite book genre

When I was in school, I really didn’t like doing book reports. The thought of reading for work instead of enjoyment really put me off, so I just didn’t do any of them. My mom and teacher, however, really didn’t like that and neither did my grade, so we can to an agreement that if I did at least one book report that term, my teacher would disregard my incomplete ones. Naturally I agreed and picked the smallest book off of my mom’s bookshelf, seeing as I didn’t have many books of my own.

The title was “A Murder in E Minor” by Robert Goldsborough. Since it was a small book, I thought I’d give it a bit of my time and be done with it. Hours later, at about 2 a.m., I was still awake, reading and getting myself involved deeper. I couldn’t put the book down, I was loving every minute of sleep I lost. I swore to myself I would finish the book that night. The text was actually quite small, which made the book a lot longer than it appeared and obviously I failed, but I was right back into it the next morning.

That’s what I love about mysteries. They make you feel involved. They take you on a puzzle filled adventure and just when you think you’ve got it, they throw you for a loop and keep you on your toes. Personally, it doesn’t feel like I’m wasting my time “just reading some book” and makes me use my head, keeping my mind at work even away from the book. I really like the mystery genre more than I can say and I really wish it was a bit more mainstream. It’s really hard to find a good mystery these days…

Lynn Rascal’s View on Love

“I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and a girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live – if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.”  – Hayao Miyazaki, Co-Founder of Studio Ghibli

This quote changed how I perceived love. Before, I had the stereotypical Disney view of love; true love, one and only, first love lasts forever fairytale-like stuff. I hadn’t seen many other types of love, seeing how my parents had been apart since before I can even remember, so it was my only real ‘reference’. After a while, I realized that that type of love only really exists in fiction and that love was so much more than what I was shown.

Even in regards to family, developing love and bonds takes time and work. Lots of it. The basis of a true and honest love, romantic or not, is trusting and knowing the other person and them being able to know and trust you in return. Supporting each other through the hard times, even when it seems too much to bear, and inspiring each other to keep moving forward. You need to genuinely care and understand each other, faults and all. It may not be easy and it surely won’t be quick, but if you’re dedicated and patient with each other, your feelings will bloom into something honest, true, and beautiful.

Love doesn’t have to be romantic either. I love my friends and family more than I could ever say. We care for each other, help each other through the bad times in our lives, and they’ve definitely been my driving force for facing my issues head on. To me, that is what real love is.

• Lynn Rascal

Lynn Rascal’s view on Asexuality

Asexuality, by definition, is the lack of sexual attraction. For the longest time, I didn’t know that asexuality was a thing and honestly a lot of people still don’t. This usually leads to a lot of asexuals thinking there’s something wrong with them or that they’re just wrong about their sexuality when they really aren’t. I’m here to hopefully help spread some information and recount a tale or two of my past.

While having a talk with my dad, he mentioned that I was at an adventerous time of my life and I should have at least had sex once by now. I responded by giggling like a fifth grader hearing the word penis, which made my dad upset, but I think he was confused more than anything. I had no interest in sex, my body never “craved it” nor my heart or mind, and I didn’t see anything wrong with that, so I wondered why he was so bewildered. I’m sure he still doesn’t know since I couldn’t quite explain it to him back then and I didn’t even know what it was myself.

Now from how I worded it in my personal story just now, you might be thinking “Oh, so asexuals just don’t have an interest or don’t want to have sex.” No. That isn’t what asexuality is. Asexuality, as stated before, is the lack of sexual attraction. In other words, asexuals don’t lust after other people. Asexuals can have a physical desire for sex, yes, but it does not mean they have anyone speciffically in mind for who they’d want to do it with. It’s kind of like wanting to eat something but nothing in the fridge looks appetizing. They don’t find anyone attractive in a sexual way and that is totally okay.

Asexuality is actually a very broad topic that I can’t even begin to cover all of, but I can provide links to a few things that will help you find more information on asexuality, like the site for AVEN, the Asexuality Visibilty and Education Network

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

or the Asexuality Archive, which has links to a lot of different helpful pages

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/

I hope I was able to clear up at least a little of what Asexuality is and clear up a thing or two and I hope you have a nice day~!

• Lynn Rascal

Why Lynn Rascal chose her pen name.

So first and foremost, my first name. Lynn. This one has a sort of personal reason; not in the touchy feely way or the sad and treasured way, more like a personal story and preference and it’s not terribly special.

While my parents were deciding a name for me, they got stuck on a few. As they went to a resurant for some dinner, the person that was serving them had the name Lyn (I’m guessing that’s how it was spelt since it’s more common and I don’t actually know). Lyn stuck with them and became one of the final two choices for my name, but it lost. I don’t exactly know why I add the other N, it just always seemed more natural. And that’s the story of “Lynn”.

 My choice for last name is…a little embarrasing for me to admit. As I’m sure you’ve probably maybe read, I’m really big on video games, cartoons, anime and the like. I started watching a new anime a while back and there was this character I…admired, and I thought their name was pretty cool. I mean really how cool is the name Rascal?! So cool! And that’s where the name Rascal came from.

• Lynn Rascal

Self-Harm -Lynn Rascal

Self-Harm Resources:

www.sioutreach.com

www.recoveryourlife.com

To learn more:

www.cmha.bc.ca/get-informed/mental-health-information/self-harm

To find a therapist/counsellor near you:

http://therapists.psycologytoday.com

Online Chat:

www.Imalive.org

www.buschat.info

https://www.7cupsoftea.com/self-harm/

http://youthinbc.com/youth-issues-2/self-harm/ (open noon-1am in BC and Yukon)

Call:

Fraser Health Crisis Line (BC):  1-604-951-8855

www.121Help.me : 1-855-201-2121

www.kidshelpphone.ca :1-800-668-6868

-Lynn Rascal

Get To Know Lynn Rascal.

Where we are in life – I’m at the point in my life where I’m still recovering from the effects of mental abuse, but I’m not as down on myself as I used to be. I’m still not completely happy with who I am yet, but I’m not suicidal or constantly hating myself anymore.

Hobbies and Likes – My hobbies are watching anime, playing video games, drawing, voice acting from time to time, shopping for food, and trying to cook. All in all, I’m a huge nerd.
Interesting fact – I’m not sure if this is terribly interesting or not, but I’m a really good (and stubborn) rock climber.

Why we want to share/put this out there –
For wanting LGBTQIA Help and Awareness, I grew up not knowing anything about it. I had to learn about it all from people I met in school; not the school itself, but other students. The fact that I didn’t know someone could be transgender caused me to accidently hurt my younger sister for at least fifteen years. I was and still am very torn up about that and the fact I had to learn what being transgender was through a fellow transgender friend and the fact my sister had to learn through the internet made me even more upset. I felt this was something people should know, that it’s okay to feel comfortable with who you are, and the fact that a lot of people probably go through life never being justified for who they are, wether it’s sexual preference or romantic preference or gender, is something I feel needs to be fixed.

For wanting Mental Abuse Help and Awareness, it’s another personal experience. I’d rather not get into much detail on this one, so I’ll just say my mother has never had the best taste in men and after staying under the same roof as a mental abuser for at least six years, I couldn’t trust anybody, I was always scared and afraid, and my spirit was all but drained. Our father helped us by letting us move in with him, but the scars that man placed on my mind and soul are still there; I’m still very wary and afraid of almost everything and everyone and I doubt my recovery will be very quick. I want to help people with this before it gets to this point.

Who we want to help – Well, whoever I can hopefully, but I guess I’d like to help people who want to learn about LGBTQIA and people suffering from mental abuse.

Where we want this to go – As far as it can. I’m not very good at making goals, but I’d like for LGBTQIA to at least get some recognition with the school board.

• Lynn Rascal